SICK OF IT ALL A GUEST EDITORIAL BY ANDY S. Dear Jerky... When did I become such a pacifist? When did I cross that line? Since day one after Bush took office I have hated everything this guy has done. When I see his smarmy face on the news I immediately start reaching for the remote to change the channel even if its local news and a ten second sound byte. I hate this guy... absolutely hate him. And in the past five years or so I have come to criticize every decision and every word out of his mouth. Take for instance this very morning. It's Monday, July 24th, and I've poured myself a cup of coffee and I'm in a pretty damned good mood. I'm looking forward to a new Daily Dirt but first I'm going to savor the moment and check out the news. What are the headlines? Every website news headline is about Condi Rice making a "surprise" visit to Beirut. Surprise? SURPRISE?! Every fucking visit to the middle east this country makes is a 'surprise'! Why is it a surprise visit? Because if they ANNOUNCED the visit Condi Rice would immediately become a target for every raghead in the middle east. Thass right... you heard me right... I said RAGHEAD. And the bottom line is that if it wasn't for oil... this country wouldn't have anything to do with ANY of these finger sniffing wipe their asses with their right or left hand (I always forget which) fucking camel jockeys. So much for my good mood and it's not even 7:00 AM. Bottom line? Ten years ago if some country had dropped a thousand nuclear bombs in the middle of some fucking middle eastern country I wouldn't have given a shit less. That's how I USED to feel. But now... with all this crap in Iraq and Pakfuckistan... I've gotten to know these people in a very limited way. I've seen them cry when their children die and have watched them weep as our country terrorized their country. And believe it or not... I've sat in my living room and wondered how I would feel if I heard tanks rumbling past my house and heard gunfire close by or in the distance and wondered how that would feel happening in my neighborhood. I'm tired of it Jerky. And I'm shocked at my feelings that I care about these people at all. But how can anyone sit back... night after fucking night... and watch the carnage we've wrought? The United States of America! We are now the biggest fucking terrorists of all. Instead of hating these poor fucks I've come to empathize with them. There it is. In a nut shell. Since the Bush Crime Family came into office and 9-11 I've gotten very very confused and become a pacifist to the point that now I'm even rooting for the fucking Hezbollah or some such to get smart and ANTICIPATE one of our 'surprise' visits. Hell... even I can. How do I make it stop? My country tis of thee sweet land of liberty my ass. Cheers, Andy S. [Sometimes, the popcorn tastes like shit. - Jerky] Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY July 26 On this day in 1775, Hellfire Club charter member Benjamin Franklin becomes America's first Postmaster General. On this day in the year 1928, cinematic sorceror-king Stanley Kubrick enters the world kicking and screaming. During the time-span between the release of Dr. Strangelove in 1964, through the five years it took to film 2001: A Space Odyssey, continuing up until the premiere of Clockwork Orange in 1971, no popular artist had as firm a grasp on the zeitgeist of the West as did Stanley Kubrick. Two-hundred years from now, if human beings are still around to watch and discuss film, Stanley Kubrick’s masterpieces will continue to be watched, revered and fiercely debated, while 99.999% of the tepid dreck that currently pollutes our movie screens will be blissfully forgotten. On this day in 1990, the United States baseball team shellacks the Soviet Union's squad 17-0 at the Goodwill Games, making a mockery of the whole premise. On this day in 1991, a Florida police officer arrests Pee Wee Herman after watching him jerk off in a porno theater. Within hours, every last person on the planet -- including people who had no idea who Pee Wee Herman was - are informed that Pee Wee Herman jerked off in a porno theater. For a while there, he was the designated Global Village Idiot.

THEY SAID IT! "I often use Nixon's decision to turn over the tapes as an example of how Nixon helped us avoid a disasterous constitutional crisis. What if Nixon had continued to defy the SCOTUS order to turn over the tapes? What if Nixon just kept saying, 'nope, you can't have them'? Just who would have enforced the Supreme's decision? When I ask my students this question, I get the usual answers: The FBI. Nope they work for the president. The Attorney General? Nope they work for the president. The military? Nope, the president is the commander-in-chief. The Washington D.C. police? Nope, not their jurisdiction. The answer is, no one knows what would have happened." - The Existentialist Cowboy quotes former Nixon counsel John Dean on how Preznit Dubya became a dictator. *** **** *** "Yes, I'm sorry I did it." - Former AOL honcho Steve Case apologizes for being part of one of the most disastrous mergers in the history of post-war business.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Kerusty Kerlown! After looking for love in all the wrong places, a man returns from the Middle East and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the Hospital to undergo tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital. No one is around but the phone by his bed... and it rings. "This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely contagious and nasty STD called 'G.A.S.H.' It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!" "Oh, my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?" "Well, we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread." "Will that cure me???" asked the man. The doctor replied, "Well no, but... they're the only foods we can getunder the door." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Zod the Great for sending in today's second joke. Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replies. The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?" "Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one." WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Nasir... A wife came home from the doctor's the other day and said that he told her she couldn't make love. The husband said: "I've known this for years I want to know how he found out!"

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: BEWARE THE CHINA-MAN! care of: "Garold" hey beef... we must be from different planets. on my planet the chinese hegemony thru it's useful tool USSR had allied with muslim brotherhood interests and on promise of delivering them isreal created an oil embargo in 1974 as an opening shot in the millenial war they thought would bring the capitalist west crashiing down. Instead it caused the PsTB to haul off and create an "economic equivalent of war" -- who do you think Jimmy Carter's phrase referred to? -- which ended up bankrupting the soviet, lesser half of the Red International, with a bogus star wars program designed to do exactly that. We knew it would nt work for decades, if ever. But china's lil bro Rusky did nt get that and tried to match US dollar for dollar in an accellerated spending spiral while being denied the economy takeover of any new nations to keep the failed socialism going. Carter's containment policy coupled wit Reagan's star wars expenses busted russia' economy. Simply , if your populace can be forced into standing in line for toilet paper your government craps out. If your belief is that the PRESIDENT is anything more than the executive officer chosen by populace to execute the orders our corporate entity has already planned at Britton Woods, etc, then you probably believe that there were supposed to b 20 hijackers and Moussawi simply missed the plane. There was never supposed to be a 20th hijacker. coun ting in 10s is a western thing. Numbers are still viewed with reverence in the muslim mind. the Islamo-fascists planned 19 hijackers because that is a holy number meant to assure success. Just check the Qu'ran verses 74:30-37. Heck, you probably think this country was set up as a democracy. Ignorant. If you live in the left coast, look at the state flag -- the REPUBLIC of california. Read the Pledge of Allegience -- ....and to the REPUBLIC for which it stands. Democracy is like broadcast TV; a product of pleasing the lowest common denominator. We are a republic of federated states. Read the Federalist Papers of Al Hamilton. Shit man read the bio of our nations true father, ol ben franklin. But i digress. Did N Korea, a nation which cannot even feed itself, develope it's own missile technology? Silly man. Did Pakistan develope it's own nuclear technology? Siwwy wabbit. Look at the axis. China thru N Korea, thru Pakistan [china developed Pakistan's ISI secrete service, many weapons caches found in Afghanistan still were crated, not in russian boxes but in chinese markings], thru Iraq, and backing Iran's nuke club entry -- why else are China and Russia so strenously blocking western moves in UN verses Iranian nukes -- and on down thru Iraq and the mid-east ending in Lybia. That is the Axis we face today. remnants of Michele Aflouk's dreams of a Ba'athist Nazi state spreading from Iraq/Iran thruout the world, now hi-jacked by Maoist meanies. google muslim+19 and learn what we are really up against. "Islam has purified even war of all it's cruelty and horrors and has made it an acceptible tool in the reformative process... to eradicate evil {earlier defined as those who do not believe in allahs acendancy} from the human society". Or read up on the 19 Questions for Muslim Scholars, by edip Yuksel, it's only 48 pages. Betteer yet check the international meeting in chicago oct 7 1989. Might interest you to know that there is already a timetable for ending the war in the mideast -- 2280. Beginning in 1974, the year 74 is the chapter in qu'ran that begins the final war and muslim ascendancy. The "new era" according to them is 1974 to 2280 so the islamo-fascists are prepared to fight this war to their eventual victory in 2280. Look up Yuksel's speech at that conference of quite influential Islamic Scholars. Follow the money that brought WMDs out of Iraq thru Syria onto three flagless ships that docked in Lybia. Check Dianne West's stories about these ghost ships and why we dared nt board them. Wheere are the weapons now? In tennessee being dismantled and destroyed. Heck you probaably think there were no WMDs in Iraq... even tho we have the reciepts for selling same to Iraq in the 80's. It is a new world man. Old rules do not apply. Over 500 sarin gas weapons left in Iraq have been found some of them used ineffectively in the crude IEDs, camel jockeys don't know how to ignite mixed canister gas weapons... and that is a good thing. Sure we broke up the USSR but contrary to the clintonista groupthink you subscribe to China did'nt get the memo that we won and the war is over. Here, you are a smaart fellah, i'll put it such that even a two-time clinton voter can understand: What country has tripled it's military spending, doubled it' standing armed forces, entered the moon race, and is providing nuclear and missile tech to Islamic terrorists and HAS NO ENEMY ON IT'S BORDERS TO USE ANY OF THIS AGAINST? Wake up bro and smell the chow mein in the muslim menu. - "Garold" [You're right. We must be from different planets. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! MOPJ, Sorry I wasn't more specific on my question re: Blair throwing in with Bush or vice versa. A few months ago I went into a tirade about the war and all of the hundreds or thousands of outrages of this war. And I asked a rhetorical question about why Tony Blair would throw in with Bush on Iraq And your response was "How do you know Dubya did'nt throw in with Blair?" I think the Yo Blair! summons shows he's Dubya's poodle boy... at least that's what most Brits think. My imagination, or is Tony running the show? YOP,Ernie [Ah, NOW I get you. Bottom line, I think both these guys take their marching orders from On High. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerkmeister, These are additions to the Chinese lessons phrases published a couple of days ago! - "ya, sure" Kid = Sum Yang Gai Why? = Hau Kam Crazy = Ding Ah Ling Premature ejaculation = Kam Tu Sun Italian bastard = Fong Goo Lah [Hmmm... - Jerky] *** **** *** GOOD EVENING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Press "1" for English. Press "2" to disconnect until you have learned to speak English. David A [Fuck the English! We speak AMERICAN in these parts, boy! - Jerky] *** **** *** Howdy Jerky, my old pal. I wrote you a while back, that the religious folks needed a sign in the form of a burning Bush, but now I realize just how wrong I was. It would only add fool to the fire. YOP Al Mulliman [Indeed. - Jerky] *** **** *** MOPJ, This is some very funny shit! YOP, Bob [Olbermann is always a treat. If he was on CNN, his viewership would quadruple. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerk-odd: WHO THE FUCK IS FRANK ZAPPA.? Chucky [Holy shit, it's the return of Charles E. Buoy! I thought I flushed you away forever, you silly turd you! - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; If Rove, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Dobson & Robertson types have nothing to fear then the Networks should run Passion of the Christ and The DaVinci Code... also Twin Towers, Farenheit 9/11 and the Al Gore movie, ending with The Pentagon Wars and let people make up their own minds without any outside whore influeces the ones who balk at this open presentation have no business in authority positions. Paraloons [The Powers That Be would likely view giving The People unfettered access to the Networks as akin to giving al-Qaeda access to nuclear technology, and I have a feeling they'd sooner do the latter than the former. - Jerky]

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